Tag: amwriting

Posted in motherhood, Water

1st Mate

Posted on by J.A.B. 
When the ocean around you turns gray,
clouds roll in blocking the light,
and cold foamy arms reach for you

I will be your 1st mate

As the storm gathers; winds rising
waves rolling, tossing your ship
mast shaking, sails snapping

I will be your 1st mate

With the torrent pulling at you,
drawing you down into an eddy of tears
Screaming at the hurricane’s wrath !

Remember you are Not Alone

Hold tight to the wheel my son
Fight against the torrent, as it
Threatens to swallow you whole

I will be you 1st mate

When waves crash onto the deck
I will batten the hatches
bend the lashings and set lines

I will be your 1st mate

I will stand in the heart of the storm
with you, offering you my strength
and my knowledge of these waters

we will ride out the storm, Together
Posted in journal, Water

Bitter Tea

Posted on by J.A.B.

I’ve reworked this piece and do not know which version I prefer…. so I’ve put them both here. I thought it would be fun to talk about a bit.

a cup of bitter tea

how we warm up to sadness
comforted by aching
so familiar that deep empty longing
 
uncertainty seems more risky
than heartache
so we stay with what we know
 
the familiar taste of our own sorrow

more bitter tea to drink

Funny how we can warm up to the sadness
Feel comforted by aching, Familiar with deep
empty longing
 
so fearful of leaving what we know
that uncertainty seems more terrifying, we stay
with what is know
 
the familiar taste of our own sorrow

I think the same feeling and message is captured in each version, the idea of staying in a place that causes you sorrow for fear of the unknown. I get caught in this thing where I try and condense my pieces down to micro poems. Those short word daggers that pierce right into our souls making us feel so much. I struggle with when to stop cutting out words…. where is the best place to stop trimming? I think it can be a little like when you trim your own bangs, there is like a millimeter between amazing and bad bangs 😉

So I offer it up to you dear reader…. which do you prefer?

How do you re-work your words?

Is this one of your struggles as a writer, what else do you bite your nails over?

Posted in Air

Buddha Breath

Posted on by J.A.B. 
there goes my mind again
running through old arguments
a well-worn path I circle down into,
my body tenses up, preparing for a fight
that has already happened

muscles tight, ready to run
caught inside this memory,
a grainy movie my mind has pulled up 
form the past, the script cannot be altered 
the ending remains the same
Yet somehow, I can still feel the fear

This is not the present moment

Trying a new practice of mindfulness
Like the Buddhists, I simply watch 
the memories as they slip in
naming them for what they are
angry ghosts of my past life

I remind myself to breath out
naming the memory for what it is
taking a breath I remind myself 
it has no effect on this moment
I try to feel my feet on the floor
to connect to what is here right now

tuning into my breath
reaching inside myself for compassion
I try to feel my way into the present
to the dishes in the sink, my hands in 
soapy water, listening to radio as
waves of sound fill the kitchen 

breathing out I bring myself back



	







	
	
	

		Posted in Air, journal		
Within the Pause
		

			Posted on  by J.A.B.					

			


	

		

Within the pause… this quiet place in time where all the cars stay parked on Monday mornings. Cafes are closed, everything is closed, the whining din of the city has been hushed. Birds song fills the rainy spring air, emboldened squirrels plant their bums in the middle of our urban garden-scapes. There is a surprising sense of relief. There is no where I have to be… not really. My day to day has been paused










When I wake up each day is stretched out before me now, like a canvas awaiting the stroke of my brush. With in the pause there is time for reflection. Questions I seldom have a moment to ask come boldly forward. Why do I feel I need to do it all? Am I enjoying the picture of life I am drawing? What is it that I find necessary? Do I even miss that?  In this new world of limited movement, and closed doors I am finding a new freedom.





There is no guilt in not doing things right now, I can just choose to sit, or read, or play. I have no schedule. Its like those long summer days at home with the kids before school and lunches. Like living in a vacation day, filling my curios mind with things I enjoy. And I am seldom bored. I think I really dislike the routine of school. I dislike packing lunches most of all, and empathize with the kids feelings of monotony toward sandwiches.





I have spent the last few years starting and re-starting over with the changes that have been my journey. Right now, it seems this unique thing has happened, this moment of open potential; where I can experience my life devoid of everything I have taken on and signed up for over the past decade. What do I want the memories painted of the canvas of my life to resemble? With in this moment I am choosing.

	







	
	
	

		Posted in Earth		
Paths
		

			Posted on  by J.A.B.					

			


	

		














the path of the warrior is harder





the path of the healer is more                   worrisome





the path of the mother breaks your heart





the path of the love is full of burdens





the path of the wise is lonely





the path of the student carries the blessings of them all















	







	
	
	

		Posted in goddess		
Kali Speaks of Beauty
		

			Posted on  by J.A.B.					

			


	

		

You are so Beautiful
both Powerful and Fragile at once
says the Goddess to me as She dances laughing
milk flowing from her breasts and lava in her veins
Kali Ma the Mother
reveling in the beauty and sorrow of creating.
hands over my heart I cry and release
as I see the truth of it all
creativity bursts forth form my belly
golden light floats on the air in song
how potent is the love that births
like a star’s explosion
hot, searing and bright





Life is that spark, the searing Joy
blinding Pain of Love
fragile for its impermanence
and most beautiful for it as well
so drink it all in, taste the rain on your skin
bathe in the shrieking glee of your children
wrap yourself in the sent of your Love
eat your fears for breakfast
have a second helping
Live
because my child this is now






	







	
	
	

		Posted in journal		
And the Goddess Sighed
		

			Posted on  by J.A.B.					

			


	

		

I was struggling lost in my grief;  and the Goddess said “You are not alone”

“Yes I know, I know I'm not alone. I'm part of the Great Cosmic world, 
we're all connected,” was my reply

But she knew I did not know and so.....

My world grew a bit darker, my emotions engulfed me, becoming 
bigger than I could hold. I had to reach out, I had to reach out of 
my darkness. To the people who care, who love me.
 
It was only then I learned that I was not alone. 

When my heart was so heavy, I could no longer carry it on my 
own. I had to lean or fall to the floor. I learned to lean on the 
people that will answer a call at 3 a.m. Those that listen, who 
are not afraid of my fear, who are not afraid of sadness.  

The people who are able to love a whole person, even the pieces 
we feel shameful about, the ugly parts that we try to hide form 
ourselves. They came spilling out of me onto many a kitchen table, 
because my heart was broken open in my grief.

In the warmth of  these kitchens with tea in hand, tears falling to 
the table, I was not alone.

I learned that we truly are connected. The love between friends 
can move across a room in a look of compassion. Injecting my grief 
with their light. Our shared words can be carried inside us, pulled 
out when we need them. Our laughter flows through it encircles us 
and billows out into the world we create.

I'm never alone, I'm surrounded by more love that I could have ever 
imagined. It exists beyond time and our mortal senses.

Then the Goddess sighed; 
and I could feel in my breath the rhythm of the ocean tides

                                                                                           - j.a_b






	







	
	
	

		Posted in love		
Arrhythmia
		

			Posted on  by J.A.B.					

			


	

		


















we lay Breathing
Together in Sync
our bodies keeping Time

the moment where my Need ends and
your Flesh begins
is a smudged line
my body drapes across yours Pacified
for it has been filled
 
in the quiet reprieve my Mind wanders
then unhitches
it begins a Dance all its own
each step effortless
for it has done more than practice
its in my Bones
every step rehearsed to a symphony 
Out of Time
 
maybe the problem is my ear
in any sleepy mumble you make
I feel the Dismissal of a curtain call
my Breath pauses, I Skip the intake
Loosing the soft Rhythm of
our Shared breath
 
instantly you Warmth becomes a place apart
spiraling I roll Away form you
 Unable to see your Outstretched Hands





j.a_b










	







	
			

			
				
							
		

	
	

		Posted in Air		
Echos
		

			Posted on  by J.A.B.					

			


	

		

its early, crisp air pinches my cheeks
the stars have gone to sleep and
the moon casts a silver hue on the frosted ground,
the world around us slumbers
 
in the dark of winter mornings
children transform in to a team,
as they layer on their gear
sleep falls away from their eyes,
they come alive as their skates
scrap across the ice
 
the echoes of the arenas sooth,
rinsing away the outside world,
in this quiet hour boy become athletes
dream are formed in this cold forge
 
and men become boys again,
the lonely sound of ice on metal
the echo of a puck against the boards
like church bells calling us home






	







	
			

			
				
							
		

	
	

		Posted in love		
thirsty
		

			Posted on  by J.A.B.					

			


	

		





Parched earth

Desert landscape open and warm
Life pulsing just below the surface

Waiting for you…. You are the rain

Your touch soaks in and brings 
forth a bust of life

The rarest blossoms form 
in your wake