Hi …

this is a project based in fire and tears, it was born out of a 
place of darkness a place of ashes and burning roots.
these are the words that I wept out as I watched my life burn 
around me, 
consumed by the flames of a phoenix fire. devouring everything,
all that no longer served me, all my beliefs, my ideas of my future

everything burned.... even the things I loved and enjoyed 

the relationships in my life changed, those that could not withstand 
the changes died, some are on life support limping along, 

if you venture ahead you will find honest pain, sometimes rage, 
thoughts on transformation and letting go, 
you will also find hope.
it was within the phoenix fire that I discovered the wellspring 
of my hope.  the strength to draw hot ragged breaths that 
burnt my soul as I struggled. 
Many of the writings here flowed out of me on a stream of sobs. 
I write through anxiety attacks, when fear cages me. Words 
would sometimes spew forth while I was out on a run, trying 
to harness my endorphins and turn fight / flight response 
into a positive force. 
The photo is of my actual diaries where I scribbled it all down

eventually this tool of survival transformed into something I enjoy, 
now I write.... its just something I do 

so welcome to this space, may you find something, 
maybe some hope of your own, or whatever you were seeking that
led you here 

xoxo    j.a_b

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